Bad days good days

Yesterday, I found out that no matter how old you get, you still fight the same. I am talking about getting into a fight with someone you have known all your life.  I also found out that the same things make you tick from since you were little up to now that you are an adult. The intensity of your reaction and response may vary, depending on your emotional maturity but basically for me, I have never really changed in the way I respond to a certain person when that person offends me.

Respect is earned, they say, and that is true, but some types of respect are granted because of a particular relationship, and these kinds which are freely given without being earned are the most difficult to restore once it is lost.  It goes the same with trust.  I trusted and respected some people because they are my flesh and blood. Based on that I trusted them to keep their words and respect me the way I respect them, but lo and behold, some chose to take advantage of me.

I have lost my respect for this particular person and it will take a long road for me to grant that again because all I have seen and gotten from this person so far is irresponsibility and  abuse of my kindness.  Flesh and blood or not, I will forgive but forgiveness does not always mean a healed relationship. Sometimes it means letting it be.

So yes, yesterday was such a bad day and I was struck by my inability to comprehend how I let myself be taken such disadvantaged of in that way. It was mindbogglingly stupid.

Memory Lanes

The amateur poet in me which all but died and buried has been resurrected or maybe this is its ghost trying to come back to life.  So here are some amateur lines for the road. 

MEMORY LANES

If indeed memory lanes exist

And I take you down to mine, don’t resist

My memory lanes are lined with violets

The bluest of them are songs in my heart

Where you have made your home and never left.

Turn a corner and you’d catch a glimpse of us

Walking hand in hand, joy shining in our eyes

You’d throw a glance at me and my heart would skip

A little glance from you lets me know I am loved.

Stop at the sign and you’d see the two of us

Sitting atop a hill dreaming as the sun sets

My head on your shoulders, your hands on mine

Loving one another even in silence.

Come with me, let us take a walk down memory lane

Let our hearts remember, let not our memories wane

Who knows, maybe tomorrow, a new day will dawn

Where you and I are one, and our love shall be ours again.

(Oh my love

How can I forget the sweetest memories of my life?

I travelled a lot hoping to leave them all behind,

only to find out that wherever I am,

my love for you will never leave me,

because you have that special place inside of me,

that always remind me how indeed I was happy back then

when the word LOVE crossed our way.

Sorry, that fairy tale remained a mere book

that never became a reality.)

TWO LIVES

Crossroads, the strain in the mind it springs
To go left or right, forward or back, or perhaps to stay
Opposite arrows at a fork in the road
Trails and footprints in the heart, to ignore or discern
To the charm and bliss of  emotion, to surrender or stand your ground
To forget and bury the past or to reminisce and relive what is gone.
The head says to laugh, live, and love, for the present is here
Urging the face to smile, when the past rear its nostalgic face
Wisdom implores the heart to move on, for tomorrow may not
Yet the heart wrestles against all that cold practicalities
For the heart relishes the speed of its beats
The spine loves the jolt it gets from the surprise
The soul cherishes its butterflies at the thrill of affection
When passion is kindled, it raze and devour all caution.
But isn't there a compromise to beget
One that won't break the heart yet won't spurn the wise
Two separate lives, two solitary worlds
You will live in yours, I will live in mine,
With the knowledge that love has conquered our hearts
Bound neither by time nor space, but by the Eternal.